Delicious Dexter

Want a complete and easy-to-read list of every episode’s Dexter-themed food and drink? Then look no further. It’s this page. Probably if you knew what the segment was you guessed it based on the page title. Pretty self-explanatory.

 

Click the links to jump automatically to each recipe:

6×11: “The Perfect Pie” – 6×10: “Mike Anderson’s Flamingo Punch” – 6×08: “Masuka’s Chocolate Lava Booze Cakes” – 6×07: “Lil’ Chinos” – 6×06: “Greetings from Miami” – 6×05: “Fuck Balls” – 6×04: “Steak It Now! (with Jordan Chasers)” – 6×03: “The Quadruple Homicide” / “The Frank Lundy Special” – 6×02: “Ice Truck Chillers” – 6×01: “The Surprised Motherfucker” / “The Dirty LaGuerta”

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Appearing in Episode 6×11 “Sex Whirlpool”

Feeling crummy? Wish someone would just put you out of your misery already? Why not try:

“The Perfect Pie”

Ingredients:
1/2 cup ice
1/2 cup vanilla ice cream
1 oz. Licor 43 liqueur
1 oz. vanilla vodka
1/2 oz. Rose’s lime juice

Combine ingredients in a blender until smooth, then pour into a martini glass rimmed with graham cracker crumbs. Garnish with whipped cream, crumbs and a twist of lime. Oh, sweet relief!

Appearing in Episode 6×10 “Slampig”

“Mike Anderson’s Flamingo Punch”

Ingredients:
1/2 cup Mike’s Hard Pink Lemonade
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1 oz white rum
1 oz vodka
a splash of grenadine

Blend with ice until smooth or serve on the rocks. Garnish with a twist of lime, and voila! You’ll be feeling like a Miami native in no time. Caution: too many of these and the handcuffs might come out. It’s a Chicago thing.

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Appearing in Episode 6×08 “Totes McGhosts”

“Masuka’s Chocolate Lava Booze Cakes”

This Thanksgiving, gather your cunty family around the dinner table for a dessert that’ll have everyone feeling thankful for your culinary expertise. They don’t have to know how easy it was! Just follow these simple steps, and your mouth will want to die of auto-erotic chocolate-fication.

Ingredients:
3 1/2 oz dark chocolate
1/3 cup butter
1 cup powdered sugar
2 eggs
2/3 cups flour
Booze option: 6 tbsp raspberry liqueur

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Microwave chocolate and butter for 1 minute or until melted. Add sugar, eggs, flour and liqueur, stirring each in seperately. Pour batter into six ramekins (or a muffin pan) and bake for 13 minutes, then cool and serve. Voila! It’s a river of chocolate love that melts in your mouth. But not your hands. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. Heheheheheh.

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Appearing in Episode 6×07 “Jizz Fest 2011″

“Lil’ Chinos”

Feed your giant hunger with this Dexter-worthy variation of pigs in a blanket. Your heart may be crying tears of blood, but your stomach will be crying tears of satisfaction for every Lil’ Chino you finish! Bonus points if you get it right on your first attempt.

Ingredients:
jalapeno-grilled chorizo sausage
pepper jack cheese slices
Pepperidge Farm puff pastry sheets
egg yolk
Jose Cuervo Gold (or your tranquilizer of choice)
dijon mustard

Using a meat syringe, give each sausage a double injection of tequila and saute with jalapeno slices until fully cooked. Wrap sausages in a blanket of pepper jack cheese and puff pastry squares. Brush on a glaze of egg yolk to seal the blanket and bake for 30 minutes. Serve with spicy mustard.

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Appearing in Episode 6×06 “Life of Biney”

 “Greetings From Miami”

Ah, absinthe: the long-favored drink of poets, artists, and English titty vampires everywhere. Now you can raise a glass in remembrance of those special sociopaths in your life with this variation of a Swamp Water cocktail (also called The Root of All Evil).

Ingredients:
8 oz. root beer
2 oz. absinthe
1 oz. mai tai mix
3/4 oz. sweetened lime juice

Pour over ice in a tall glass and garnish with maraschino cherry and an orange slice. Goes down sweeter than a spinal epidural, and you’ll be sleeping like you’re on a transatlantic flight in no time. Non, je ne regrette rien!

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Appearing in Episode 6×05 “Occupy Miami Metro”

“Fuck Balls”
A recipe so easy, not even Deb could fuck it up!

Ingredients:
1 cup chocolate chips
1 box powdered Vanilla wafers (or Thin Mints if available)
2/3 cup butter
1/2 cup Captain Morgan rum
1 teaspoon instant coffee
1 bag chopped pecans

Melt chocolate chips for 1:30 in the microwave and combine with other ingredients. Refrigerate overnight, then roll mixture into balls and coat with chopped pecans. Mmm…ballsy!

And now, a .gif from the internet.

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Appearing in Episode 6×04 “Crotch Asphyxiation Awareness Month”

“Steak It Now! (with Jordan Chasers)”

Looking for the perfect meal to serve at your next camp retreat or motivational seminar? Why not Steak It Now? Sharpen your knives and get ready to marinate a nice, chubby steak in some Wild Turkey Gourmet Sauce. The barrel-aged bourbon whiskey will bring out a sultry, acidic flavor that’s to die for. Pair it with a bottle (or twelve) of Lonely Blonde lager from the Minneapolis-based Fulton Brewing Company, and your admirers will be chanting for more (but be careful–the 13th bottle’ll kill you). There might be a bit of a mess to clean up afterwards, but that’s what friends are for, right?

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Appearing in Episode 6×03 “Slow Clap”

“The Quadruple Homicide”
A bloody cocktail inspired by Arthur Mitchell’s kill cycle.

Step 1 (cement burial): Drop a maraschino cherry into a tall glass and bury under a thick sludge of simple syrup.
Step 2 (bathtub killing): Fill the glass two thirds of the way with 7-Up and slowly bleed some Grenadine into it until the drink achieves a deep red color.
Step 3 (suicide jumper): Drop a shot glass of Tanqueray into the 7-Up.
Step 4 (bludgeoning): Combine chilled vodka and blood orange juice in a cocktail shaker and shake vigorously until mixture nice and frothy, then pour into cocktail.
Don’t forget to top everything off with a sprinkling of your dead sister’s ashes! (May substitute rim sugar.)

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“The Frank Lundy Special”

Sometimes simple is better. Kick off your shoes and relax with a Frank Lundy Special: a plate of cucumber sandwiches and a mystery shot. (Just ask the bartender to surprise you.)

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Appearing in Episode 6×02 “Night Jogging”

“Ice Truck Chillers”

Need something fun to serve at your next serial killer play date? Jello shots are a perfect way to break the ice. Just mix up a batch of unflavored gelatin and add Everclear, plus a little of Dr. McGillicuddy’s Mentholmint Schnapps to taste. Suspend a handful of severed prostitute fingertips in the gelatin before it settles (gumdrops in assorted colors may substitute). Measure one fingertip per shot, or if you’re feeling crazy, combine them all in one solid “booze block.” Careful: too many Ice Truck Chillers may send heads flying!

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Appearing in Episode 6×01 “A Fraternity of Dentists”

“The Surprised Motherfucker”

Looking for the perfect drink to commemorate a fallen member of Miami’s finest? Try our alcoholic tribute to James Doakes and be the hit of your next bris. Simply combine Bacardi, tomato juice, and habanero pepper in a cocktail glass (or small propane tank) and garnish with a beef jerky swizzle stick. Set on fire until beef is slightly charred. Enjoy, motherfuckers! (Lemon optional.)

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“The Dirty LaGuerta”

If you were wondering what beverage to serve at your next political fundraiser, look no further. The Dirty LaGuerta is the ultimate blend of femininity, ambition, and back-stabbing ruthlessness. Carefully pour Havana Club rum, Kahlúa, and Crème de Violette over ice in a highball glass and garnish with a sprig of orchid petals – but instead of drinking it, throw it immediately into the face of your closest friend. Hey, no one said life was fair!

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